Was I this awkward?

My grandmother's special mass is over, we decided not to go to the US to visit our grandmother so that we can hold a little service for our relatives here in the Philippines. Although, to be honest... I wanted to go and see her, but I can't be selfish, I'm not the only one who loved her.

I made a short video/slideshow for her, it was quite funny when I was adding music to the presentation, I couldn't use the usual songs people use for funerals like Somewhere In Time or Hindi Kita Malilimutan or The Prayer, they were too sad! My grand mother was the happiest person I know. She always had parties... costume parties to be exact. I've heard numerous stories of her and her "conquests" about her boyfriends/crushes, yes, it's not just one. I've heard stories of her dissing her boyfriend because he wanted to marry her.. hahaha! She didn't want any responsibility of taking care of her husband. HAHAHA! I also found a recognition award she won included in her photo album for being the Most Energetic and Cheerful Participant of 2011 hahaha.  Only fun upbeat songs suit my grandmother. :) She lived her life well.

The actual certificate is with me.

I don't know when this was taken 4th of July maybe?

My grandmother as a geisha

The Nut cracker.

She loves dressing up.

Lola, who was your date in this picture? Lagot ka kay lolo Emil.

Now I've said my goodbye, I'm actually hesitating if I should cry or not... I don't know why. Was I this awkward? My thoughts and emotions are all conflicting and mixed up... I am mourning for my grandmother but I want to be happy and positive for her because she's a happy person. A few days ago, I decided to be a positive person. I even wanted to start a blog series for a weekly dose of positivity. I want to be cheerful and dedicate my positivity to my family and late grandmother but I'm hesitating because I don't want to seem like I'm insensitive or that I didn't care that she passed away. I do have crying spells... but it's so exhausting to be sad all the time...

There's more pictures of her in different costumes, it was way too much for me to scan.. I mean it! My sister sent me 3 albums full of pictures of her and her parties. With a grandmother who was as happy as she was, it's really difficult to stay sad, right? But I can't be TOO happy, can I?