Acceptance

I knew it... my happiness yesterday, wasn't permanent. Though I got what I needed, the reality I was talking about yesterday, did slap me in the face early this morning.

My heart is breaking. It's so painful I can't breath.

My denial shielded my heart from pain last week. However, this time I have to accept my decision yesterday. The acceptance is what's painful. This morning I woke up with the feeling of regret, wishing that I accepted to go back to him. He asked me back but he said everything would be different, he would be mean to me on purpose. If he didn't want to meet for a month, we wouldn't meet for a month. If he didn't feel like calling me, he wouldn't call. If he tells me to call, I have to call.

Why on earth would I regret turning him down? I still love him.

He knew I would say yes despite all that... but instead I said "Don't tempt me" I could have said "Ok" and acted differently and acted like an assertive girlfriend and demand for quality time when I wanted to like how mean he could be to me... but would I be happy like that?

Nostalgia and Regret are the two main things I'm feeling right now. Is it because I finally let go?

I can't pretend to be strong today... I can't breath... Strength.. please come back. Everything reminds me of him even the little things I see everyday... buses, phones, my ipod, anime, online games, facebook... even the things that aren't really related to him reminds me of him... even men...

Argh!!! I need back up!