Cruise Buffet...

Super late post...

I was supposed to post this on Sept 14, however after recent events in my life I wasn't able to post any interesting entries other than my random emo posts.

My officemates and I were supposed to go on a Cruise Buffet last Sept 14, but the waves were too strong because of the wind and the coast guard didn't allow us to "set sail" so to speak. We could've stayed to eat but most of us got dizzy (especially me) and we wouldn't get the most of our money if we did. Instead, I practiced taking nice photos.

Unfortunately, this is a little too late because the typhoon Pedring came to our country and it could be a while before I get another chance to take a cruise buffet around Manila Bay (and I might be a little too scared to do it).

Acceptance

I knew it... my happiness yesterday, wasn't permanent. Though I got what I needed, the reality I was talking about yesterday, did slap me in the face early this morning.

My heart is breaking. It's so painful I can't breath.

My denial shielded my heart from pain last week. However, this time I have to accept my decision yesterday. The acceptance is what's painful. This morning I woke up with the feeling of regret, wishing that I accepted to go back to him. He asked me back but he said everything would be different, he would be mean to me on purpose. If he didn't want to meet for a month, we wouldn't meet for a month. If he didn't feel like calling me, he wouldn't call. If he tells me to call, I have to call.

Why on earth would I regret turning him down? I still love him.

He knew I would say yes despite all that... but instead I said "Don't tempt me" I could have said "Ok" and acted differently and acted like an assertive girlfriend and demand for quality time when I wanted to like how mean he could be to me... but would I be happy like that?

Nostalgia and Regret are the two main things I'm feeling right now. Is it because I finally let go?

I can't pretend to be strong today... I can't breath... Strength.. please come back. Everything reminds me of him even the little things I see everyday... buses, phones, my ipod, anime, online games, facebook... even the things that aren't really related to him reminds me of him... even men...

Argh!!! I need back up!

Tomorrow

I'm happy today. I wish I will be happy when I wake up tomorrow when reality hits me in the face.

Today, I ambushed my ex at his neighborhood to demand a proper break up. Hehehe he was ignoring me and it was breaking my heart even more than when he said that we should break up. I put on my battle gear (Water Proof eye make up) and asked 2 of his friends to come with me.

Four (4) of his close friends accompanied me to ambush him. I was surprised they supported me no matter what decision I made. I felt loved and appreciated. I'm very thankful for having their support. Actually, all of them supported me somehow. This made me happy as well...

Ambushing him was part of my plan to love my self more. This was for closure, my inner peace. It was worth it. I wanted him back but I need to value and love myself more this time so I decided not to be tempted despite still being very much in love with him.

I was ready for an awful fight, I knew he was annoyed and stressed but I asserted that I didn't deserve to be ignored and get snapped at after all the things we've been through. Although I'm not sure how sincere he was, I think he acknowledged what I was saying when I saw his face change. We didn't end up fighting.

I was honest in saying that I loved him, but I treasured our friendship more than anything at the moment. I assured him that I wanted him in my life but only as a friend. He accepted my friendship and I finally told him that we should finally say our goodbyes.

Even though our relationship ended, it ended with a hug and a smile.

I'm not sure if he was only being polite but this was enough for me. I can't look at another man the way I did with him but give me time... eventually, I can recover... I will recover.

Letting go and the healing process

I need to replace my blog title,  it used to be meaningful to me but now I'm in the process of healing from a broken heart. I am  hurt without a doubt. I cry every night but it's all normal. And I'm confident that my new and old friends will be here for me.

I don't think I'll regret my almost 3 years with him, I was happy. I loved him but I have to let him go.

"A breakup is like a broken mirror, it is better to leave it broken than to hurt yourself to fix it"

I'll be fine, eventually. Like my friend said to me "For the meantime, you'll whine a bit and plot a lot more, Hahahaha" He knows me so well!

If you ask me personally, I won't deny that I'm hurt and a little fragile. but I'm trying hard to look at my situation in a different way and see it as an opportunity.

Letting go

This is the most difficult thing to do, at the moment. I hope I can survive this ordeal... I know my friends would be there to support me no matter what but I am too ashamed to admit any thing or to ask for help.

I am devastated but all I can do now is to accept whatever comes. It will be a really hard journey from now on. I know I'm not alone, I know I can have all the support I need. I just can't ask...

I need to accept this. There's nothing I can do. I am sad. I'm not who I used to be before, someone who can turn off all her emotions in one second. I don't think I can be like that this time around...

I need time... I need good friends... I don't need unnecessary attention from people I don't trust.

To my friends, don't ask me what's making me sad personally. I will cry even if I'm in a public place... I'll try to look normal out side... just don't ask me yet. Don't hug me yet, I might break down and cry. This is something I know I can't deal with please be patient with me.

I'll be putting on a mask for a while... This is something I need to do until I recover... but don't be fooled...

This was one of my favorite poems when I was a troubled younger version of myself...

Random Post about photography

I went to the Manila Cathedral in Intramuros, Manila today to attend a wedding. Intramuros is a beautiful place. I wish I could go there just to take photos... when I'm confident about my photography skills.  Although recently, I've been able to get some pretty shots and I recently won a photo contest at work, I got 2nd place. I was a little bit disappointed to discover something about the contest. The guy who won first place on all categories for the contest was the one who organized the contest and he was also the one who wrote the mechanics of the contest. I didn't hear it first hand though...

I got another lucky shot today this afternoon. ^__^ I also decided to add a watermark to it.

click to enlarge~ 

I guess my friend K is helping me a lot by giving me tips about photography.

Yogi Blue Berry Slim Tea~!

I was finally able to buy tea~! I bought something to curb my cravings~!

I LOVE the packaging! I also played around with my camera... I experimented on the different exposure levels of my camera ^_^ (I only used my Satio here)

I really look forward to drinking this tea in the morning! It smells great but it's a little too bitter for me.

Lemming for Tea ^_^

My officemates and I, went to Healthy Options last week to check if they had the feverfew supplements I wanted for my migraines. They did have the feverfew supplements but it was way out of my budget >_< I still need to do more research about it...

While we were in the store, I was distracted by the teas they had... I wanted all!!! There were 2 brands that caught my eye, Yogi Tea and The Republic of Tea. Yogi is a lot cheaper than The Republic of Tea. Yogi is selling 16 tea bags for 249 Php (around $5) and The Republic of Tea had 6 tea bags for 275 Php (around $6).

I love the packaging of The Republic of Tea, they had labels like "Get Gorgeous" for clear skin or "Get a Grip" of PMS!

I went through the websites of both brands... I LOVE Yogi Tea's layout! (Is there a blogger rule about posting screen caps? Oh well, I'll just remove it if they ask me to).

3 Choices~ Mood, Flavor or Purpose